Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 2: Facebook Stalking


Today's prompt for the Blog Every Day In May Challenge is "educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at, take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)". 

So without further ado, I present to you my area of expertise: Facebook stalking...dun dun dun! I will shameless admit that I am a pro at Facebook stalking; I wouldn't call it an art but I have been told that it takes some skills to be good at it.

To master Facebook stalking, you first need to be curious and nosy by nature, these traits are the driving force behind a successful stalking career because if you lack general interest in the person you are stalking, chances are you won't find out much about that person.
This little girl's got nothing on me.

The subject's last name (or even the first for that matter) is not vital because let's be honest, sometimes it's impossible to find out the last name of that super hot stud sitting across from you in the lecture hall, so in cases like these, start with potential mutual friends. Navigate to the profile of a suspected mutual friend, preferably a sociable one that likes to post pictures and tag others in status updates. Now the next step can be quite tedious and often fruitless, but it needs to be done. Browse through this person's friends list, keeping your eyes peeled for a profile picture of your subject's face or vague silhouette that somewhat resembles your subject's physic. If this mutual friend is an 18th century prude and keeps his or her friends list private, you need to do more digging. Browse his or her photos and wall, again keeping your eyes open for pictures of your subject.

With a bit of dedication, you will find your subject's profile (hallelujah), unless he (or she) isn't on Facebook, in which case you should seriously question his character because who in their right mind doesn't have Facebook nowadays? Anyhow, once you are on your target's profile, get an rough idea of what information is available to you; most people keep their photos and wall private, but you can usually still see their basic info, interests, and likes, and those things can tell you a lot about a person. For example, listing Nicki Minaj and Ke$ha under favorite music can be pretty indicative of your subject's taste in music (and in life, unfortunately). In addition to these, another important thing to take note of is the identity of your mutual friends, because once you find out who they are, you have pretty much reached the end of a rewarding stalking mission. Shoot those mutual friends a message, ask them whatever you want to know about your newfound obsession, and voila, you are done, just sit back and relax as the juicy gossip gets delivered to your inbox. Muhahaha.

I hope you found that helpful, feel free to ask any questions. Also, I am more than happy to provide stalking services for a low fee of $19.99 per target. Feel free to send requests via email, and be sure to come back tomorrow to see my response to the prompt of Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable. Cheers! ;)
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