Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 7: The Things I Am Afraid Of

Hmm, I had a bit of trouble approaching today's topic because I didn't know if I wanted to share some of the weird and silly stuff I am afraid of or some really deep and personal stuff I dread, so I guess I will do a bit of both.

1. Old age, illnesses and all things that could lead to death:
I feel like these things are on top of everyone's list. I don't think I have fully come into terms with the concept of death. I am not religious so I don't believe in heaven, hell, reincarnation, or afterlife. But at the same time, it is difficult for me to grasp what nothingness would feel like. Sometimes I get really anxious thinking about death, then I just tell myself, come on Jasmine, so many people have gone through it, toughen up and you will be fine.
This picture right here scares
me soooo much. I can't even
 look at it, seriously!

2. Pictorial reconstructions of extinct animals:
Yea I know this one is weird. If you have ever taken an evolution course or seen programs on Discovery or Animal Channel about extinction or evolution, you must have seen those digital reconstructions of extinct animals. I do not know why, but they just scare the bejeezus out of me. The dim muted tones of the pictures and the soulless eyes of the animals just make me so uncomfortable. But I was very very courageous and found a picture in my evolution textbook to show you guys what I mean.

3. Dementia:
My grandfather got dementia several years ago, when we visited him back in 2010, he couldn't recognize any of us. It was heartbreaking for me and I am sure for both my parents because seeing someone we know and love so dearly not recognize us a single bit was just so painful. Dementia is such a terrible thing because it just completely changes people, erasing all the things and the people they once knew and loved. I hope researchers find some cure or treatments soon because I can't bear the thought of either of my parents going through dementia.
(There is a great book called "Still Alice" written in the point of view of a person experiencing early onset Alzheimer's, I thought it was super touching and insightful, definitely worth checking out!)

4. Not making the most of my youth:
This probably sounds silly, but I often feel like I am not making the most out of my youth. I am 20 years old and so far my life has been so boring. I have never really partied, stayed out super late, or experimented with different things. Most of my time is spend either cramming for exams or browsing the internet. The most fun I have is through baking, painting, exercising, and going out to eat. I feel I should be living "the time of my life", I should be doing wild things, travelling the world, meeting new people, and making stupid decisions I will regret later in life! But nope, I am just sitting at home trying to memorize some stupid formula that I no doubt will forget in three months.

5. Going through life without making any meaningful and lasting connections:
I saved this one for last because it sadly is the thing I am most afraid of. I feel like as of now, I don't really have anyone in my life, aside from my parents, that I can truly depend on and that truly understands and cares about me. It feels like friends just come and go, and it is so hard to find people who understands and cares to understand me and my life and my interests (ha, I sound a bit self-centered, but you know what I mean). There were several instances in the past when I felt like I have found someone whom I really connected with and whom I could envision to still be part of my life years down the road but those connections either ended bitterly or simply faded.
I am not hopeless, but I am scared.......

Sorry that got a bit heavy, but it was nice to actually get those things off of my chest. Tomorrow's prompt is a lot more upbeat; the prompt is "share a piece of advice". I am really looking forward to what advices you guys who are doing the challenge will be sharing!
As always, thanks for reading, cheers!