Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Day 5: Another Heavy Heavy Topic.....

I never really contemplated ending my own life. Sure I sometimes wonder, hmm, if I kill myself, how many people would go to my funeral? How many people other than my poor parents would be genuinely sad? But I think those kind of thoughts are pretty common because who isn't curious about their own demise?
However, I never considered suicide. Ironically, I am a fairly pessimistic person, I often feel lonely and depressed. Sometimes I sleep many hours a day because my dreams are a heck lot more interesting and stress-free than real life. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I meet a lot of the DSM criteria for dysthymia.
Anyhow, back to suicide. I have never seen it as a solution to anything. First of all, if I commit suicide, I might as well have murdered my parents because they (especially my mom) will be completely devastated. I could never do that to them. Secondly, I feel that even if my life gets so hopeless and sad, there is always a way out and killing myself certainly isn't it. I don't want to turn this into a anti-suicide PSA but I think killing oneself is a very selfish act and I know that no matter how bleak my life gets, I will not take that route.
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